What To Do When The Physical Part of a Relationship Disappears

George Michael’s 1987 hit song proclaimed: Sex is natural; sex is good; sex is best when it’s one-on-one. But what happens when that one-on-one time gets stale, redundant and is nothing but going through the motions? Or worse, what if there is no intimacy at all in a relationship?

Colin Christopher is a clinical hypnotherapist certified by the American Council of Hypnotist Examiners, author of Success Through Manipulation, and has been helping couples reconnect and reignite their waning flame for the past 15 years. He says sexless relationships aren’t just a made up story, but something that is more common than most couples will admit. He says the good news, however, is as long as there are no medical issues to blame, there are plenty of natural techniques couples can try to heat things up again.

His tips:

1. Write a letter to your partner: In the age of email and social media, we’ve lost the ability to connect on an emotional level. Get some really nice stationary and a pen, and in your best handwriting, in ink of your partner’s favorite color, tell him how much he means to you, how you can’t imagine your life without him and the qualities you find sexy about him.

2. Reduce stress through touch: Have your partner lie down on his or her stomach with no clothes on. Start from the head and work your way down to his feet. Using a combination of gentle and firm movements, slowly cover every part of the body. At the same time, ask your partner to close his eyes, and whisper both positive and sexy thoughts into his ear. When the body is relaxed, brain wave levels are lowered and the mind is able to connect more effectively with the person in front of him. A relaxed body allows for better blood flow to the extremities which can lead to a stronger erection for men and increased sensations for women.

3. Don’t just focus on sex: In most cases, there is a loss of an emotional connection between the couple. Before sex can take priority again, this connection must be remade. Engage in other activities that allow you precious time with your partner and strengthen emotional bonds. The tighter the emotional bonds the better sex will be. Most couples say their best sex was in the beginning of their relationship, but that’s because there was likely a better emotional connection early on that has faded a bit with time and daily pressures of finances, kids and finding time for everything.

4. Spice it up: If your love making activities take all of five minutes and are limited to the bedroom, spice it up. See love making as an experience to share with your partner, not something to rush through. Find other places in the house to have sex, do it in the car or backyard, role play, experiment with sex toys and new positions. Basically, just make it fun and exciting.

5. Be honest: Often times a couple will engage less frequently in sex because one of the partners doesn’t like something, but is afraid to speak up. Engaging in a sexual relationship should come with open lines of communication. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you like and don’t like.